Crossing Monkey Bars

“I‘m right here,” I told my son Hunter as he attempted to cross the monkey bars. “You can do this.”
Hunter and I, along with his little brother Parker, were having an typical adventure at the playground when Hunter climbed the ladder that led to the monkey bars.
“Hey, Mom, can you help me?” Hunter called.
I looked at him and gauged the distance between the bars and the ground. They seemed to be way too high for a five year old. But I could see in his eyes how desperately he wanted to accomplish this feat. So I agreed.
Suddenly, I realized that he was afraid. He held back. He made whimpering noises. He wanted my arms to almost carry him as he moved from the bar to bar. Fear had gripped him. I knew the dream of crossing the monkey bars was becoming a nightmare.
Fear. It can paralyze a person. It can also cause one to run in the opposite direction. Fear is one aspect that I battle as a single parent. What if something happens to my kids? What if I do a terrible job raising my kids? What if something happens to my support system of my family and friends? What if? I could write a million of them.
This column is dedicated to those single parents who battle all kinds of emotions including fear. Emotions such as loneliness, anxiety, stress, isolation and many others seem to come out of no where. Parenting is challenging enough, but add the aspect of “single” on it, and it can seem quite overwhelming.
I am not an expert in the subject of single parenting. It has been a trial by fire, lessons learned through experience. Many things I’ve learned have come from my single parent friends and from various literature that I’ve read. A few key concepts that have made a huge difference in my life are as follows:
1. You can’t do it alone. Support systems from family and friends are crucial. My church has meant so much to me. God has brought people into my life that are important to me and my children.
2. Take it day to day. Do what you must for the day. Live for the day as much as possible, with day to day organization. Otherwise, don’t worry about tomorrow. Just like Hunter was crossing the monkey bars one bar at a time, so must you take each day one at a time.
3. Take some time for yourself. Put the kids to bed early, get together with other parents, or hire a babysitter. Do whatever it takes. Find time to do something for yourself.
4. Dare to dream. Reflect on what you love to do and begin doing it. Don’t plan how you will use it or where it will take you. God will do that. Just do it and see what happens.
I was reminded of my struggle with fear as I helped Hunter cross those monkey bars. Suddenly, fear overtook him and he let go. I caught him. He knew that I would be there. I couldn’t help but think of our Heavenly Father who catches us, too. When everything becomes too much, He is there to catch us, just when we’re about to drop.
Hunter didn’t want to try again. He wanted to quit. Sometimes I feel the same way. I want to give up, run and hide, or simply stop. Then I look at the faces of my sweet boys and know that I can’t quit. Most of all, I know I won’t quit. The challenges of parenting may be great, but every day there is a pay off. God gives me a treat, something specifically designed for me. He knows a simple “I love you” from Hunter and a hug and a kiss from Parker often softens the struggles of the day. Those little things give me that extra lift I need. Sometimes He encourages me through my friends, my students, or even through strangers. Best of all, He knows exactly what to say and when I need to hear it.
Hunter eyed the monkey bars. I could tell that fear was preventing him from attempting to cross the bars. So I made him do it. In my typical drill sergeant fashion, I barked orders to stop whimpering, grab tightly to the bars and use every inch of muscle he had to cross them. With his jaw set and his eyes focused, Hunter accomplished his goal. His face beamed as he made it to the other side. I gave him a big high five and told him how proud I was of him. I told him how I knew he could do it. Of course, I was right there under him, protecting him the whole way.
He made it. He did it. Sometimes it seems like it is too much. Sometimes it is more than a person can handle. But all the time, our Heavenly Father is there to catch us. He knows the path we will take and has great blessings along the road. We may whimper or even sob profusely, but he is right there with us, with open arms to catch us. Single parenting is not easy. Fear may abound. I’ve decided to ignore that fear. Instead, I’m focusing my attention on the One who will catch me because He is with me along the way. I’ve decided to move in boldness, moving one bar at a time.