Dancing with the REAL Star

I love to dance. Let me rephrase that so that it is understood: I completely, totally, wholeheartedly, LOVE to dance. What does dancing have to do with single parenting? At first, I thought absolutely nothing. However, I have found that I have learned not only about dancing through my classes, but also about being a parent, being single again, and being a follower of Jesus Christ.
Most of my experience with dance has been in productions, parties, and fashion shows. As a theater major, I learned to polka in musical theater. As a child of the 80s, I learned to moon walk thanks to Michael Jackson videos. Now I bounce around free styling to Wheels on the Bus with two boys, one doing the robot and the other stripping down to his birthday suit for a fun run through the house. Although all of these experiences emphasized dancing, I knew I wanted to know exact dance form. That is why I started taking ballroom dance lessons.
I stood among many nervous women of all ages, many of whom appeared older than me. They also seemed to know what they were doing or at least they knew who they were going to dance with. I, without a partner, stood facing a group of men who appeared to be looking at their dance partner or avoiding eye contact with me. I have to admit, I avoided eye contact with some of them, too.
Through the weeks to follow, I danced with several different partners, all of whom taught me various steps and techniques. My theater friend Abby gave me her dance shoes. I slowly became more confident and couldn’t wait for dance class each week As time has passed and I continue to learn more about the specific dances, I have found that dance has taught me more than just the art form itself.
Dance has taught me about parenting in general. Sure, there are general guidelines, but there are no strict rules. Each dancer must develop his or her own style. Parenting is the same way. Children do well when they are on a simple schedule; however, that schedule must be determined by the individual parent. What works for me as a parent may not work for my sister or my best friend, both of whom are parents.
Dance is a conversation. One person moves one way and the other person responds. No one, especially the follower, assumes what the other one will do. As a single parent, I know that I must take the time to listen to the concerns of my children. I must not just hear what they say, but I must turn my full attention to the conversation so I can understand the feeling behind the words. If I assume what he is saying, then I am not truly listening. Just like conversation, the dance becomes stilted and agitated if I do not follow my partner‘s lead. In essence, the dance doesn’t flow. The conversation doesn’t take place. No relationship is built.
Dance demands balance. Each step must be complete before one takes another. Life as a single parent requires balance. The day-to-day life of a single parent can be a delicate balancing act of schedules. No one can get sick, especially the primary caregivers. I also find that, as a single person, I must have balance in my life. Being single again often opens the doors for others to have “someone for you to meet.” Sometimes, being divorced harbors a stigma of having something wrong with you, like walking around with three arms or growing a tail. I have found that balance is only found in finding out who you are again. Balance takes time and practice. As a single person, I know that finding out who I am will involve pursuing those things that interest me, not pursuing another person. One cannot have a balanced relationship if another person is in the midst of healing. Therefore, be careful of creating balance in your life through another person.
Finally, dance frame is incredibly important. I must apply the right amount of pressure to my dance partner so he can be able to guide and direct me. My partner must be confident in his frame so I am able to know what he wants me to do. Most of all, we both must have strong frames that ultimately attach to an invisible line that seems to be moving the dancers. That invisible line for me is Jesus Christ.
As a believer, I know that all of my relationships, especially with my children, suffer if I am not continually seeking the One who guides my steps. As a single parent, I so often want to be the one in charge, figuring out exactly what is happening in my life. I try to make long range plans for my life and my children’s lives when I am not the one leading the dance. I must follow because it is only through the subtle nuances from Him that I know what steps I must take. My dance teacher says that the way to a woman’s heart is through dance. If that is true, then I want my heart to stay aligned with the One who loves me unconditionally.
As the Valentine’s Day approaches, I hope you take the time to do something you love. You may hate to dance. You may prefer to take pictures, go fishing, or spend some time in a museum. You may like cooking or drawing. Whatever you desire, do it. You were designed that way for a reason and just as God uses dancing to speak to me, He will speak to you in that activity that you love. As for me, you’ll find me on the dance floor, following the lead of the One who can make my life the most incredible dance ever.